Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
