Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
