I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
