You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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