I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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