Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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