It's Friday. Sex?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
