return my video game
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
