Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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