Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
