If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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