Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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