Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
