If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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