if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
