At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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