I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dear god my vagina.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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