You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, beer. Big fan.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
