I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
