Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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