My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
