so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
