she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
