I think I won the penis lottery.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
