she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
