Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
