I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
