we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
