i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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