I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
