I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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