either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
