so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
tell me about the fingering
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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