My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
