i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize