Already got asked if we're dating
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
