Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
