two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
