OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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