I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize