Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
