i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
