my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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