Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
