dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The Olympian is in my bed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
