Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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