If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
