sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
