Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
