Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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