is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize