the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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