I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
