I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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