im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
