Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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