The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
