is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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